Mindfulness for Social Anxiety: Meditations, Exercises, and Tips
For people with social anxiety, the chatter in the head can be overwhelming. Instead of being present, we get lost in our thoughts, feelings, or what to say/do next. Mindfulness is a great tool with many types of anxiety, including social anxiety.
I’ll cover how mindfulness may be able to help, some basic practices and meditations you can incorporate into your life, specific exercises for social anxiety, and a bit about the Buddhist perspective on anxiety.
Before jumping into it, I want to note that if you feel your anxiety is causing serious detriment to your wellbeing or functioning, you should reach out to a professional mental healthcare provider. I work with and of course recommend One Mind Therapy, a collective of licensed therapists that are linked by mindfulness and compassion.
How Mindfulness May Help
One of the basic components of mindfulness is being present with experience without judgement or attachment. This is nearly opposite to the experience of social anxiety. When you’re overthinking a conversation, feeling the racing heart, or worrying about judgement, you are likely attaching to the experience and perhaps even judging yourself for it.
Mindfulness in these moments helps us allow the thoughts to be there without sucking us in. As we grow more mindful and patient, we can make space for the anxious thoughts without hooking in so strongly. We build an ability to nonjudgementally observe these thoughts or sensations in the body as they arise and pass.
Generally, mindfulness can be helpful for anxiety. However, some people experience anxiety during meditation or after meditation, which I’ve written about here. I mention this because I think it is important to find a way to practice that works for you. If sitting meditation doesn’t work well for you in this moment, investigate forms of moving meditation or how to practice mindfulness in daily life.
Research on Mindfulness
Many of the benefits of mindfulness and meditation are directly applicable to the experience of anxiety. I’ll list a few potential benefits here, along with the source of the claim:
Lower blood pressure (https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC3834730/)
Lower heart rate (http://koreascience.or.kr/article/ArticleFullRecord.jsp?cn=TJHOBI_2013_v3n2_13.1**)**
Improved quality of sleep (https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/mindfulness-meditation-helps-fight-insomnia-improves-sleep-201502187726)
Reduction in symptoms of anxiety and depression (https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2848393/)
Improved self-esteem (https://www.researchgate.net/publication/8129703_Tai_Chi_Chuan_health-related_quality_of_life_and_self-esteem_A_randomized_trial_with_breast_cancer_survivors)
Increased self-awareness (http://psycnet.apa.org/record/2006-03023-002)
Increased ability to learn new things (https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2944261/)
Decreased feelings of loneliness (http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/249181.php)
Reduced feelings of social isolation (http://psycnet.apa.org/record/2008-13989-015)
Basic Meditations & Practices
I’ll cover some specific exercises for social anxiety in the next section down, but I first want to introduce some basic meditations and practices to use regularly. I will also cover the importance of and how to build a daily practice toward the end, but I recommend trying to incorporate some periods of meditation into your days if you’re struggling with social anxiety.
The benefit of meditation practice is twofold. Those who meditate regularly may increase emotional regulation and experience less anxiety. This can help you going into social situations. Additionally, a meditation practice will help you utilize the mindfulness techniques in the next section more easily. This gives you a more accessible tool to use in moments of difficulty.
Body Awareness
There are many forms of body awareness we can practice, and it’s a great tool for anxiety. This is especially true if you’re someone who tends more toward the thinking mind in moments of anxiety, and it isn’t an overwhelmingly physical experience. The body offers us something different to focus on, and can help activate the parasympathetic nervous system.
One of the best introductory ways to do this is via a body scan meditation. In body scans, we move through the body slowly and deliberately, paying attention to the sensations present in each place. This helps build awareness and familiarity with the body. We can also adapt the body scan to move through the body relaxing each part.
Mindfulness of Breath
Mindfulness of the breath is one of the most foundational practices in most mindfulness traditions. We practice collecting our attention onto the breath, and letting go of other experiences that arise. As I discuss in my post Do You Have to Clear Your Mind to Meditate?, you don’t need to stop all thoughts to do this. When thoughts arise, you simply note they are present and return to the breath.
Breath meditation has the potential to help us calm the nervous system, and we can do it anywhere. For some people with anxiety, tuning into the breath can actually cause more anxiety. If this is the case for you, don’t force it. Move on to another practice.
Mindfulness of Thoughts
Social anxiety often carries a significant mental component. Learning to be mindful of the thoughts and mind can help us relate to the anxiety in a new way. It’s normal to think during meditation, and we can actually make space for thoughts to build insight and understanding into how the mind works.
With some practice, we grow to see the thoughts arising and passing without needing to jump in or identify with them. We recognize the thoughts as impermanent, and play the role of observer rather than active participator.
Self-Compassion
I know the title of this post mentions mindfulness, but self-compassion absolutely must be included here. As I talk about in my podcast episode on building a complete practice, mindfulness isn’t really complete without some gentleness and kindness. Sometimes, we aren’t able to be present with the thinking mind because we lack this kindness or compassion.
In self-compassion meditation, we work to cultivate a mind and heart that cares for the difficulties and pains. This is extremely applicable to social anxiety. We learn to respond to the anxious feelings with care and tenderness rather than aversion and judgement. Instead of resisting the reality of how we feel, we are able to tune into it with compassion.
This has several benefits. First, it reduces how difficult the experience is. By not resisting, we actually lessen the severity of the anxiety. Second, this kind and compassionate response allows us to build more insight. Rather than being stuck in judging or hating the anxiety, we can look at it more clearly.
Walking Meditation
Finally, I want to introduce the concept of walking meditation. I find this to be an especially useful practice for those experiencing anxiety. Rather than sitting still in meditation, you can practice on the move. This can help get some energy out, regulate the nervous system, and give us a new way to investigate experience.
Mindfulness Exercises for Anxious Moments
So what about those moments of social anxiety where you can’t wander off, set a timer, and meditate? These are a few exercises and techniques you can use in the moment to help reset yourself in one way or another.
All of these exercises can be useful, but rely on the ability to first recognize the presence of anxiety. You may notice it arise as a pattern of thinking, specific thoughts, or sensations in the body. Regular meditation gives us an opportunity to familiarize ourselves with these experiences.
Mindful Listening
Mindful listening is a powerful way to practice being mindful of others. Instead of feeding the anxious thoughts, we turn outward. You can give your full attention to what someone else is saying. Notice their tone, expressions, the words, etc. Let go of your own thoughts, planning what to say, or anything else that arises in your head. Give the other person your full attention.
Self-Compassion Phrases
We can turn toward self-compassion quite easily in any moment of difficulty, including social anxiety. It’s related to the concept of thought reframing in CBT. Instead of hooking into the anxious thoughts, we recognize it as unhelpful and change it for a more neutral or even a positive thought.
In the case of self-compassion, you turn toward thoughts of care for yourself. You might offer a simple phrase like, “May I care for this anxiety” in your head silently. This practice gives you a way to replace the anxious thoughts with a truly useful response. As you do it more often, the self-compassion will come more naturally.
Grounding Body Scan
I cover the mini body scan in my post on mindful grounding exercises, and it’s one of my go-to’s with my students. This is an especially helpful practice if you’ve practiced a body scan in more formal meditation. You can turn toward the body discreetly in any moment and find some grounding in the present moment.
To do a grounding body scan, start at the head and move your attention through the body. You don’t need to take long to do this. You can move through quickly, seeing what grabs your attention. Remember to rest your attention fully in the physical experience in the body, not your thoughts or stories about the body.
Breath Reset
There are two ways you can use the breath reset. The first is when you’re spinning out in your head. Take a few deep breaths! It’s a cliche, but it works. Slow breathing calms the body’s nervous system, shifts your attention to the present moment, and can interrupt the anxiety spiral.
You can also do this when it comes your turn to speak. Take a mindful breath, tuning into the sensation of breathing before you respond. Other people won’t generally note this as strange, and you’ve given yourself a brief moment of mindfulness before responding. Again, it also can help calm the nervous system.
Nonjudgemental Reflection
This is not a practice or technique to use in the moment of social interaction, but after. For many, social anxiety is experienced in moments before or after the social situation. We get stuck in our thoughts about what is going to happen or what did happen. We replay conversations, or make future ones up in our heads.
Whether it is before or after a social situation, make a point to reflect without judgement. Watch for the judgemental thoughts specifically. I really love a journal for this purpose. You might write down what you’re worried about, and try to notice where self-judgement is present. Letting go of this judgement helps weaken the experience of anxiety substantially.
A Buddhist Perspective on Social Anxiety
I can’t talk about social anxiety without covering a Buddhist perspective. Anxiety is a clear way that dukkha, or suffering arises. Although we translate the word dukkha as suffering, it actually literally refers to a lopsided axle hole (on a cart). As such, it points toward a bumpy ride, or the subtle discomfort of riding in a cart with a bad axle hole.
Sometimes anxiety is intense and clear suffering. Sometimes it is the discomfort of a bumpy ride. Either way, it’s a clear manifestation of dukkha. I liked the term dis-ease as the best English translation of dukkha. In Buddhist psychology, there are several ways to work with the dise-ease of social anxiety.
Feeling Tone
The first is through work with the feeling tone, or vedana. The feeling tone of an experience is the raw sensation of pleasantness, unpleasantness, or neutrality. It comes after contact with a sensation, and before thoughts or emotions. It’s not inherent; we may find something pleasant one day, and the same experience unpleasant the next.
So let’s take the example of social anxiety. You are lying in bed at night after a party, and notice the mind begins racing with thoughts about something silly you said. The sensation is the thought (in Buddhism, the mind is a sense-door much like the ears, nose, or eyes are). You are conscious of the thought and have contact with it. Right there, a feeling tone arises.
We will say the feeling tone in this case is unpleasant. With unpleasant feeling tones, the mind often contracts. It responds with some form of aversion, or wanting to be rid of the experience. We can actually watch this happen fairly clearly. Maybe judgement arises. Maybe you beat yourself up more. Or maybe you instinctively try to focus on something else.
By tuning into and practicing with feeling tone, you give yourself something to focus on outside of the thoughts or emotions. Feeling tone is also the bridge between contact and craving/aversion. By resting our awareness on the feeling tone, we can break this chain of contact and automatic reaction.
To read more about feeling tones and understand it more clearly, I recommend reading my post Feeling Tones: Understanding Vedana Through Mindfulness.
Impermanence
A core aspect of mindfulness practice in Buddhism is recognition of impermanence. This is one of the Three Marks of Existence (along with dukkha and anatta). As I cover in my post Mindfulness and Concentration: Complementary Qualities, the entire point of mindfulness meditation in Buddhism is to cultivate insight into these three qualities. You can listen to this talk from my playlist Mindfulness for Beginners for more on what exactly mindfulness is.
We can make an effort to tune specifically into the impermanent nature of social anxiety. All aspects of it are fluid. This includes the thoughts, the mental states, the feeling tone, the feelings in the body, and the emotional experience. Instead of just noticing the thoughts or associated sensations, we can direct our attention specifically to the impermanent nature of them.
This can help in a couple of different ways. It gives us a specific quality to focus on rather than the actual thought or experience itself. It also reminds us that we won’t feel this way forever, offering some relief. And, from the Buddhist perspective, insight into impermanence reduces attachment and aversion, freeing us from suffering.
Non-Identification
Finally, we can work toward non-identification with the thoughts. The most basic example of this is saying to yourself, “This is anxiety,” instead of “I am anxious.” This aligns with the Buddhist teaching of anatta, or non-self. It also ties in closely with the teachings on both impermanence and dukkha.
Recognize that the feelings of anxiety are present in this moment. They are subject to change. Don’t identify yourself as anxious. This is creating a self (an anxious self in this case). Instead, take the anxious feelings as they are, just anxious feeling. Drop the stories about the experience and be present with the direct sensations.
Building a Daily Practice
One of the best things we can do when it comes to meditation and mindfulness is to build a regular practice. Meditating daily is on my list of top meditation tips for beginners, as it truly has many benefits. If we are to recognize the moments of social anxiety, some mindfulness is called for. A daily practice makes this a whole lot easier.
I cover the research in my post How Often to Meditate as a Beginner on why it’s so important to practice regularly, but here’s the basics. Regular practice leads to more positive outcomes when it comes to growth, mindfulness, reduction of anxiety, etc. Additionally, regular practice helps us build the habit of mindfulness much more easily.
So with all that being said, here are a few tips for meditating regularly. For more tips on starting a meditation practice, you can read my guide How to Start a Daily Meditation Practice: Tips and Guidance for Beginners.
Start Small
You don’t need to carve out a half-hour to meditate every day. If you’re just starting out, give it five or ten minutes. This can help build the habit, and benefits have been found in studies in which participants meditated for as little as five minutes. You can read about that research in my post For How Long Should Beginners Meditate?
Create a Schedule
Finding the time to meditate can be difficult. A good way to find the time, is to set it aside. Make a schedule, and stick to it. This is beneficial for many reasons. We associate that time with meditation time, so meditation may come more naturally. We also strengthen the habit by making it regular. You can read about how to create the time to meditate in my post How to Find the Time to Meditate.
Let Go of Clearing the Mind
It’s one of the most common meditation myths that we need to clear the mind to meditate. Don’t even try to clear the mind. Instead, recognize the thoughts that arising. You might try labeling them, or even practicing mindfulness of thoughts. Especially when it comes to social anxiety, trying to resist the thinking mind is just going to make the experience more intense.
Use Guidance
Finally, use guidance. I’ve written about silent vs guided meditations before, and my opinion is that guidance is a great way to go for beginners. Using guidance can help keep us on track, know what we should be doing in meditation, and give us some support to not feel so alone. For some guidance and further suggestions, check out my page Mindfulness for Beginners: A Guide to Getting Started with Meditation.
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