Attachment is the Root of All Suffering
You may have heard the saying, “attachment is the root of all suffering.” This indeed is a real canonical Buddhist quote, coming from the Sunakkhatta Sutta. At first glance, it can sound confusing or even bleak. Does this mean we shouldn’t love? Or that we should give up that which we enjoy?
No, it doesn’t necessarily mean these things. The problem isn’t having things we find pleasurable. The problem is attachment, clinging, and craving. We experience dukkha, or suffering, when we attach to things that will inevitably change.
What Does “Attachment” Mean?
Attachment can mean many things, but I want to cover what it means here in the context of the Buddhist teaching. Attachment is the clinging to acquisitions and possessions, including worldly items, wealth, status, mental states, a sense of a fixed self, views and opinions, and more.
Practicing non-attachment doesn’t mean we deprive ourselves of joy, pleasure, love, or care. Attachment isn’t about enjoying something; it has to do with the mental grasping and clinging to things we enjoy. It is the holding on to experiences that are naturally changing.
Zen master Thich Nhat Hanh shares a story about enjoying the morning dew. We sit with our cup of tea and enjoy the sight of the dewdrops on the blades of grass. As the sun rises and the air heats, the dew evaporates. We don’t resist this, or cling to the dew. Instead, we enjoy it while it is present and allow it to evaporate as it natural.
You can see with this example that if we attach to the morning dew and pleasure of enjoying it, we are setting ourselves up for suffering. This is much easier said than done, but the task at hand is to release attachment and recognize the unsatisfactory and impermanent nature of all experience.
A Note on Dukkha
It’s worth noting that the word we’re translating as “suffering” is in fact the Pali word dukkha. You can read more about this term in this post, but suffering isn’t always the best translation in my opinion. It’s the most common one, but it perhaps can be understood more clearly as unsatisfactoriness or dis-ease.
That is to say, the teaching may be closer to “attachment is the root of dis-ease or dissatisfaction” in my opinion. Attachment doesn’t always cause explicit suffering as we use that word in English. Sometimes it is intense suffering, but sometimes it is a simple feeling of dis-ease or discontentment.
How Attachment Leads to Suffering
Attachment leads to suffering because of many conditions and causes. It’s important to note once again that enjoying pleasurable experiences isn’t the problem; it’s only dukkha when we attach to these experiences.
Impermanence
At the core of this teaching is the teaching of impermanence. One of the Three Characteristics, the Buddha taught that everything is impermanent. All we experience, see, taste, etc. is in a state of flux and change. Whether it’s a mental state, spousal relationship, taste, or anything else, it is of the nature to change.
As such, we have attachment to things that will eventually leave us. This is one of the Five Remembrances, to reflect that we will grow different, separate from all that is dear and appealing to us. It’s not meant to be needlessly pessimistic; it’s a reality. As everything is impermanent, attachment sets us up to eventually suffer.
Below is a video from my playlist Mindfulness for Beginners in which we discuss impermanence in more detail.
Control
Attachment can arise in many ways. One of these is a desire to control. We believe somewhere in us that if we worry enough, use brute force, or hold on tightly enough we can control experience. Yet the tighter we attach, the more suffering we end up creating.
A good example is in working with overthinking. The more we try to control the mind and stop it from thinking, the more the thinking seems to take control. It’s a delusion that we can control it in this way. Instead, when we soften and just observe the thinking mind without trying to control it, we have an experience with less dukkha.
We just talked about this in the Thursday Morning Meditation. You can find the recording below where we meditate and speak about just observing rather than trying to control the mind.
Conditional Happiness
When we attach to things (or experiences), we create this formula: I will be happy when… or I will be okay if… You can fill in the blank with many different things. It may be when we have this amount of money, when we get this or that promotion, when our relationship works out (or ends), when we lose weight, when we gain weight, etc.
This is what we call conditional happiness. Happiness is conditioned on a specific experience. This is dukkha, as our happiness will come and go. These experiences or things are impermanent, and as such the happiness will come and go. By letting go of attachment, we can find more lasting freedom from suffering by discovering happiness not dependent on getting things.
Creating a Sense of Self
This is a tough one. In many cases, such as therapy and counseling, we work to build a healthy sense of self. This is absolutely beneficial for many. But we have to separate what are known as ultimate and conventional truths. Conventionally it is useful to have a healthy sense of self; ultimately there is no self, as everything we identify is self is transient.
Let’s make this practical. Are you your success? Are you your relationship? Are you your opinions? What about the things you have? No, these are just parts of your experience. As we create a sense of self around them through attachment, we suffer. We attach to these ideas we have of ourselves, and we experience greed, fear, anger, and many more painful emotions when these things are threatened.
Common Forms of Attachment
There are many ways we attach. Knowing the different forms attachment can take, and what we attach to can help us identify when attachment is present. We’ll talk after about what to actually do, but I want to name a few common ways we experience attachment.
Possessions
Perhaps the most obvious and explicit form of attachment is to physical objects and possessions. You have YOUR things, and I have MY things. And we grow attached to them. Maybe they were expensive, are very useful, or hold sentimental value. For whatever reason, we attach to them.
Relationships/People
This is a whole other topic, but we clearly cling to relationships and people. We have fears of abandonment, try to control others and relationships, and have that thought that we wouldn’t be happy without this person. I’ll admit, I probably am more attached to my family than any single possession.
It’s important here to recognize I am not discouraging love or care. We can love without attachment. Attachment says something like “I need you to be happy,” “You need to be this way for me to be happy,” or “You cannot change.” Love without attachment is rooted in care, wanting what is best for the other person, and a heart of loving-kindness.
Success or Achievement
This one is tricky and an issue in some cultures more than others. We cling to our status, success, or achievements. We attach to a promotion, our pay, our status in the family or workplace, or achieving our goals. This relates to the teaching of the Eight Worldly Winds, which include praise and blame and status and disgrace.
The teaching here isn’t that we cannot have goals or intentions. In fact, it is useful to have healthy desires. It only causes suffering when we attach to them. We can work toward something while maintaining awareness of our attachment to the outcome and how it relates to our happiness.
To pull from a different tradition, this relates to the Taoist teaching of wu wei. Literally meaning non-doing or actionless action, it means taking action without friction or force. It includes not attaching to the outcome, but just doing. A common Taoist explanation uses the image of water flowing around rocks, not fighting them but still getting where it needs to go.
Opinions and Beliefs
We all have opinions and beliefs, and most of us are extremely attached to them. They may be political beliefs, religious beliefs, ethical beliefs, etc. The Buddha spoke about this frequently, most notably in the Parable of the Raft. The Buddha said that his teachings are like a raft you use to cross a river. But when you cross the river, don’t pick up the raft and carry it with you.
We can have beliefs and opinions, but the attachment to them doesn’t always serve us. We get defensive when challenged, close-minded, and suffer. We can have our beliefs and not waver without the attachment that causes suffering every time they’re challenged.
Identity
Identity really relates to so many other items on this list. We build an identity around our possessions, relationships, success, beliefs, experiences, etc. When life changes, we have difficulty adapting. When we can’t maintain a specific role or self-image, we suffer greatly.
Instead, we can see ourselves as the impermanent beings we are. Instead of holding so tightly to who we think we are, we can take each moment as a new one.
Mental States
This is one that is related not just to daily life, but also to meditation. When you first sit down to meditate and the mind is bouncing around, what do you feel? Many of my mindfulness coaching students share about some resistance, wanting calm, or frustration.
When we do achieve a pleasant or wholesome mindful state, the mind often attaches instinctively. I have the experience in meditation that I sometimes experience stillness and ease. When one of my children comes in or the doorbell rings, I suffer from the attachment to that state instead of going with the flow.
Outcomes and Expectations
In and out of meditation, we attach deeply to the outcomes and expectations we have. I talk about this in my old post here more. In meditation, we expect that if we practice we will experience calm, clarity, wisdom, etc. In daily life, we expect if we mindfully approach a conversation it will go well. Or if we work hard we’ll get the promotion.
Letting Go of Attachment
So, we have a decent understanding of how attachment is the root of suffering, but what do we do about it? Just knowing intellectually isn’t enough to create a true change. With practice, we little by little can let go of attachment and clinging.
Mindfulness Meditation
As a general statement, mindfulness meditation is the way we begin to let go of attachment. A consistent practice trains the mind in seeing the nature of reality and experience more clearly. Mindfulness meditation is a training, and we eventually train the mind to know impermanence more deeply, recognize attachment, and relieve suffering.
If you don’t have a mindfulness practice, you can check out our groups and courses. I also strongly recommend my free program, A Month of Mindfulness. It has a month of 3-6 minute guided meditations to help you build the meditation habit firmly.
Below is a short mindfulness meditation from my playlist of 5 Minute Meditations. If you’re new to meditation, this offers a way to begin to pay attention and cultivate understanding of experience.
Notice the Attachment
Whether you are meditating or living your life, you can begin to touch the attachment with awareness. We shouldn’t seek to be attachment-free out of nowhere. Just understanding that attachment causes suffering isn’t enough to abandon it. We have to actually see the attachment, its effects, and its causes.
We think we know what meditation should feel like. When attachment arises, it may be unpleasant and we push it away. Instead, notice the attachment! Tune into it. Get to know the habits and natural state of the mind. In order to work with something, we first need to take in the information and understand it. When you see attachment present, you might gently say to yourself, “Oh, look! Attachment is present right now.”
Feeling Tones
Traditionally, we understand attachment to arise from contact with pleasant feeling tones. You can learn more about feeling tones by watching the short video below, or reading this page. As clinging and attachment often arise after contact with pleasantness, we can actually bring mindfulness to these feeling tones themselves.
When we recognize something pleasant arise, awareness is at the door and ready for the arising attachment. Rather than having to notice attachment out of nowhere, recognition of feeling tones gives us the ability to be there, ready and observing.
Below is a short two minute mindfulness practice in looking at feeling tones. This offers an introductory way to begin our mindfulness of feeling tone practice.
Investigating Impermanence
In and out of meditation, tuning into impermanence is one of the chief ways we begin to break down attachment. Notice small changes throughout your day, even if they seem irrelevant to attachment. You might see thoughts and emotions changing, sensations in the body arising and passing, the sounds coming and going, etc.
We don’t need to look specifically for attachment or try to create impermanence. By recognizing the simple, everyday ways we experience impermanence, we train the mind to see this aspect of reality. Over time, recognition of impermanence comes more naturally until it is a given in how we view everything.
Not Taking Things Personally
This is a practice that took me years to really understand. But I find it to be at the core today of my nonattachment. When a thought arises, is it yours? Can you recognize a thought without taking it personally? It’s just the mind doing its job. It is nature.
To release attachment, we can begin to look at experience in this way. When we don’t take things personally, we lose the attachment that arises in the form of controlling, expectations, and praising and blaming. See if you can observe experience without making it “yours.”
Patience
Finally, practice patience. It can take a while for meditation to work. We don’t generally sit once or twice in meditation and have deep life-changing insights into the nature of reality. Be patient. Just watch your experience. When you do notice expectations or attachments to outcomes coming up, notice them!
A Note on Renunciation
As a final note, I want to offer a reflection on attachment and renunciation. Over the years, I have had many friends and students share they wish to get rid of their smartphone in favor of an old brick phone. Or maybe they give up sugar completely because they’re struggling with cravings.
I’m not here to say what you should or should not do. But physical renunciation doesn’t always “fix” the problem of attachment. If you give up something you’re attached to, like your cell phone, is the attachment just gone? No, you’re probably still going to feel it. Yes, we can learn to use our phones less obviously.
But the focus should be on the attachment and our relationship to the item, experience, mental state, etc. Attachment is in the mind, not in the object. Focus your attention on how the mind is responding to experience and don’t villainize the experience or item!
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Matthew Sockolov is a Buddhist meditation teacher who trained at Spirit Rock Meditation Center in Woodacre, California. Completing the Dharma Leader training program in 2017, Matthew was given power to teach in the Insight Meditation tradition by Jack Kornfield, Kittisaro, Thanissara, and others. You can learn more about Matthew here.